Stranger Things Have Happened

By Bill Yanger

Another in a continuing series of imagined conversations over coffee at, now, the Rod & Reel Pier. Any resemblance to persons or personalities, real or imagined, is entirely coincidental and mostly unintended.

Good morning.

Uh, no, it’s another friggin’ frigid morning, pal. That is not a good morning in our sunny town, at least not in my book.

Didn’t you enjoy your brisk little walk down here to the Rod & Reel? Sure woke me up. Check out that view…Egmont…Ft. Desoto…the Skyway. And those dolphins…wow…love this place.

I love this place too but look at these…I had to wear socks with my flip flops. Socks! It’s a sin! And my yard, my poor yard. My crotons are brown, the seagrape is dropping leaves and my impatiens have gone to that great flowerbed in the sky.

Why didn’t you cover them?

Cover them? Plants aren’t supposed to freeze in Anna Maria.

Stranger things have happened. And apparently did.

Well, I’ve been too busy anyway.

Busy?

Yeah, busy with plans for my new newspaper.

Last week it was a site plan. Now it’s a newspaper plan. You’re just a regular entrepreneurial planner…uh, hey… what are you doing with that little flip notepad.

Taking notes, genius.

Obviously. Why?

Need some news stories. Stories require information. I’m gathering information…you know...background, confidential sources, hidden details…I need an informant...a Deep Throat…

Breakfast at the Rod & Reel with me is a news story?

No. Well, not exactly. But a feel for the…er… the locale will add depth and credibility. Gotta capture the essence of the moment… the tastes, the smells, the faces, the names.

Did you say “locale”? Do you even know how to spell locale?

Don’t need to. Duh! Ever hear of spell check?

Right. So anyway, a newspaper needs advertising. Thought about who is gonna sell ads for you?

Me, of course. Going to meet up with that bistro guy today, you know, curly hair, has the place in Holmes Beach…actually the place on Holmes Beach? Amazing duck...well, he calls it duckling...crispy, moist...

Yeah yeah yeah. What about him?

Have you seen his ads in the other papers? Wow! Half page. Full color. All the bells and whistles.

Because those papers actually have readers. You have no readers…actually you have no paper. Why would he want to advertise with you?

Hah! So naïve to the ways of the world! Because we’re giving him an award, you dummy…sheesh. Front page stuff. He's my pick for Grand Marshal of the paper's First Annual Anna Maria Wedding World Extravaganza and Associated Wedding Business Exposition, Parade, Beauty Pageant and Flower Arrangement Seminar... I think that's everything.

He’s not going to pay for an ad just because you give him an award. The guy’s a legend, just ask him. His place is world class. He doesn’t need your paper. C’mon, get real.

I wouldn’t be such a doubter if I were you…stranger things have happened.

Guess you're right about that. Okay, assume you get a live one and you actually have to publish something so you can print the ad, where you gonna get start up money?

I have a few investors in mind.

Like who?

You.

Uh…yeah…well…love you man but count me out. My interest in newspapers ends at the crossword puzzle. Besides, you’ll need a lot more jack than I can provide.

Thought you’d say that. So I’m gonna call those English people. You know, the ones with all the fish houses?

Fish houses? English people own the seafood processing plants over in Cortez now?

No brainiac. That English couple with all the funny name rental houses…Limefish, Cherryfish, Chillifish…here, let me check my notes…Honeyfish…Plum...

Whoa whoa. I get it. Okay, yes, they have some cool houses around the island and they definitely know how to market them. And from what I hear they know their way around corporate finance and structures too…all kinds of LTDs and LLCs and LLPs…LLPs that used to be LLCs, LLPs that own LLCs, lawyers stacked on lawyers, it seems…Yep, they’re quite the story. He was a design and marketing professional, sounds important, and she worked at Chase Manhattan Bank analyzing investments, or so I hear. You taking this down?

Yeah, yeah…

They lived in a chicken shed...really, I mean it...a chicken shed in a forest in England and made baby food, then came here for vacation, fell hard for the place, sold their baby food company to some hero for an insane amount and then bought Anna Maria, or a big chunk of it. In fact, just bought those three lots on Pine at Tarpon from PAR for a cool million three. Kind of folks I'd love to swap stories with over a foamy dark ale.

Wait a minute…bought from PAR? I thought they are PAR, or at least a part of PAR…Anyway, go ahead…slowly…I’m writing as fast as I can.

Whoa Mr. Pulitzer, don’t quote me on that stuff. I’m no Deep Throat. Do your own research. But, word is they’re actually not partners in PAR anymore.

You sure?

Why don’t you just go ask the PAR guys before the other papers get wind of it. It’d make a good scoop, huh?

The first of many. I know, I’ll just ask the English lady about it when I call her about investing in my newspaper. Shoot, if she’s not with PAR anymore she’s probably looking for another fun opportunity. What’s more fun than having a piece of your own newspaper?

I hate to rain on your dream of journalistic nirvana but why on earth would happy and prosperous folks with enough moxie to live in a chicken shed, enough savvy to start and then sell a baby food company, and enough dough to buy a big hunk of paradise, invest in a little newspaper in a little town on a little island?

Stranger things have happened.

You’re right about that…again.

Hey, any ideas what I should call the paper?

How about “Our Anna Maria”.

Taken. The blog guy, the ex-city commissioner, he uses it. Ever read that blog? Pretty good stuff…informative, timely…but it has some made-up conversation thingy between two bozos over coffee. Who’d wanna read that?

Can’t imagine.

See you tomorrow.

Yeah tomorrow.


© 2010 – William L. Yanger