Hey, I'm Growing A Beard Over Here!

By Bill Yanger

Another in a continuing series of imagined conversations over coffee at…uh…well, Ginny & Jane E’s, at least for now. Any resemblance to persons or personalities, real or imagined, is entirely coincidental and mostly unintended.

Good morning.

Morning.

Just grabbed this couch. Have a seat…get comfortable.

Don’t mind if I do sir.

Where’d you get the coffee?

Brewed it myself…Naviera…like cuban black gold…roasted up in Tampa in Ybor City. Makes my hair stand up!

What is that thing? An electric razor?

Yep. Got it for Christmas. Pretty cool huh? It’s got this oscillating head…see?…and it cleans itself.

Uh, yeah, oscillating…nice. But…

Lifetime sharpening included, great carrying case…

But wha…

Here, feel my chin. Smooth as a baby’s butt, right?

I’ll pass on stroking your chin, thank you. You obviously shaved this morning. So why the heck did you bring that thing with you into Ginny and Jane E’s?

Are you kidding me? Isn’t it obvious?

No.

I brought my own coffee, right? How long did you stand in line for yours?

Way too long. So what? Busy place.

Busy, yes. But look around. Lots of people running around with aprons on doing a lotta nothing while all those guys stand in that line. Thursday morning I waited in the line for an egg and cheese bagel sandwich. After watchin’ twenty minutes of CNN on that little TV over there…couldn’t hear it cuz the smoothie machines were screamin’ like chain saws…I still had four people in front of me. I read both papers while waitin’ too. That new wild man commissioner is sendin’ letters again …what a hoot he is…anyway…

Yeah, anyway…so how was the bagel sandwich?

Didn’t get one. Heard ‘em tell a guy ahead of me…he’d been standing in line since Hurricane Charlie…told him that they didn’t even have any bagels. Kinda weird.

Why weird?

Duh! Because it was written right there on their chalkboard at the register… the breakfast special that day! “Bagel with egg and cheese $3.95”…great deal if you could get it. Couldn’t get it. Didn’t have it. Weird.

Yeah, okay, okay. But why the razor? That's weird.

Because I’ll do anything for you. You know that.

Not sure I catch your drift.

This place. I keep coming here because you like it.

Huh? The only reason I come here is because you like it. C’mon, look around. You know anyone? No local folks. Okay, maybe that guy with the red bike comes in every once in a while when he's not signing another warranty deed or lease purchase contract, he’s a nice enough guy, and those yoga hotties stop by after their class sometimes and squeeze around whatever table they can find. Used to be you could catch up with folks in here...like at the post office…only with coffee and comfy couches.

Does seem like they’re pushin’ more for the tourist crowd in here lately. Heck, why not? Tourists spend crazy money. They don’t linger and take up table space cuz they gotta run rent their Segways or go meet their wedding planner to make sure the white doves are ready to fly and the singer has the right list of 80’s love ballads. Buy stuff they’d never even look at back in Michigan. Can’t say I blame ‘em. I remember when I got married…

Which one?

All of ‘em. It’s the divorces I like to forget…anyway, ever notice how that guy, I guess he owns the place, just sits out front on that bench? At least when we’re around?

Yeah, so?

Well, seems like there’d be something for him to do, ya know? Like maybe make some bagels when bagels are the breakfast special or at least go buy some so he can actually sell some…but as far as I can tell he sits and watches crosswalk roulette out in front of the place.

Crosswalk roulette...ain't that the truth. But the razor…why the razor?

Didn’t want to disappoint you, my friend. I know how much you like those Morning Glory muffins, no matter how long you have to wait for them. Brought my own coffee but I’m here for the duration with you buddy.

What do the muffins have to do with your razor?

Heh heh. Figured I’d grow another beard waiting for your food with you …so I brought the razor.

Ahhh, now I get the message. Pretty funny. You oughta tell that to the guy out on the bench...But really, I have a better idea.

Yeah?

Yeah. Let’s go someplace else. Leave this place to the wedding zanies. Least until they want us back, you know?

Any ideas?

A few. But let’s ask around. Maybe there’s a place looking for some local folks. You know, it could be a hub…a hearth…

…a refuge…

…a haven…

…an oasis!

Yes, an oasis for Anna Marians. Even that editor lady told us to go have coffee with friends…and that we should take a walk….or did she mean a take a hike?

Okay, I’m in…but what’ll we do tomorrow?

How about we walk to the Rod & Reel? Great pancakes…killer view.

And more tourists than Disney…but if we go really early…

Let’s give it a shot. And maybe someone will give us some other suggestions.

See you tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow.


© 2010 – William L. Yanger