Consequences

By Bill Yanger


The following is an imagined conversation over coffee one recent morning at Ginny & Jane E’s. Any resemblance to persons or personalities, real or imagined, is entirely coincidental and mostly unintended.



Hey, how’s that Morning Glory muffin?

All right, I guess.

Is it appropriately named?

Huh?

Never mind. How’s the little lady?

If she heard you call her that she’d thump you like a PAR in an election.

Good one.

She’s thinking of becoming “more active”.

Dang, she’s taking the remote control from you!

Good one. No, all this election noise is getting her riled up. She wants to help save Anna Maria.

Save it from what?

You know, the bad guys…big money. Those PAR people.

Bad guys? What do you mean bad guys? Aren’t they the ones who pay like a gazillion dollars in property taxes? Aren’t they the ones who build green buildings that don’t suck the environment dry? They are trying to bring back Old Florida, you know, like it was way back when Fast Eddie was running things! Heck, they were in Southern Living!

Rrrrright…Fast Eddie. Peaceful days those. I’m sure PAR does not aspire to be the next Fast Eddie. But they’ve got more money than he ever had and they sure push hard to get their way. Lawyer letters, accusations about “stacking the deck” against them. Seems they haven’t finished licking their wounds.

But they’re getting screwed! Do you realize how much those PAR people contribute to the community? And what about economic development? Do you think tourists come here to see the pelican poop on the pier? No! They come here to get married!! To eat at PAR restaurants. Drink in PAR bars. Sleep in PAR beds and rent bicycles and kayaks from PAR businesses! Come on! It’s PAR that is saving Anna Maria from itself!

Dude, easy on the espresso. And you’re in serious need of one of these muffins.

Oh, funny, so now I’m full of crap just because I happen to like how PAR handles things. Well I’m entitled to my opinion.

Agreed. But that opinion seems to be a lonely opinion. Just look at the election.

Yeah, so? Their guys lost. What’s the big deal? They still have their property and their money and their plans. They still pay their taxes, lots of taxes. They still buy land and build buildings and marry people. And they still have a newspaper. A little election in a little town won’t stand in their way.

I don’t know. A wise old guy once told me “Elections have consequences.” I’m just saying.

Saying what?

That it ain’t gonna be as easy as PAR thought it would be. See what that new commissioner's been doing? Now THAT guy needs no espresso.

He’s just making a lot of noise and taking advantage of his new popularity to get some press.

You mean he is a politician politicking? Imagine that. I’d call it governing…doing his job. If he fails he fails, but the voters put him there to try. He’s trying, I’ll give him that.

No, I mean if he thinks he can come in here and change the way things have been done since Ernie Cagnina chewed his cigar right here in this room, he’s crazy.

Actually, this new guy is a lot like Ernie. And his last name is just as hard to get used to.

Geez. So now you're telling me he’s here to save us all again from the evil developers just like Ernie did back in the day. That was a long time ago, my friend. Lotsa water under the humpback bridge. That PAR guy still rode around on a little red tricycle back then.

Well the new guy has made it clear he doesn’t give two spits about stepping on the toes of the Haves. And he apparently likes a good fight, which it looks like he’s about to get. That’s vintage Ernie Cagnina.

And that’s exactly why PAR got all lawyered-up. You can’t change the rules after the game starts. It’s not fair.

Fair? This isn’t about fair. It is about consequences. Remember, elections have consequences. Is it fair that people who live within a half mile of the Sandbar have to listen to “Wind Beneath My Wings” three times a day every weekend? Thank an election or at least the people you elected and then deal with it. Is it fair that 30 cars and 100 people make Park Ave. their private beach every summer day while Beach and Maple and Oak and Mangrove and Cedar and Willow and Palmetto sit peaceful and quiet, free from defecating drunks, dirty diapers and scattered beer bottles? Thank an election and then deal with it. Is it fair that rental units on quiet streets turn into a mini-Mardi Gras when weddings come to town? Is it fair to neighbors of the old log cabin on Sycamore that the coolest house in the city is now a monument to bald excess and architectural dysfunction in the extreme? Is it fair that everything from Spring to Pine, west of Gulf Boulevard is zoned commercial and it’d be impossible to get similar zoning anywhere else on the beach? Thank…an…election. Consequences always tick somebody off …that’s what happens in a democracy. This new guy has the will of the voters behind him. The system will grind on and we’ll see whether his noise gets results. But fair is not the issue. PAR just needs to deal with it. No one says they don’t have a right to protect their turf but there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about it.

Wow. Sounds like you’ve thought about this a little bit.

Not really. It just seems like common sense to me. I hate this cliché but “it is what it is,” you know? It’s easy to be the good guy when you’re getting what you want. Adapting to consequences without whining ain’t easy. But it happens. And maybe PAR can do that. We’ll see.

Yeah, we’ll see. Anyway, yes, the name is dead-on perfect.

What?

Morning Glory…the muffin. Gotta get home.

Riding your bike back down Pine?

Are you kidding? Too dangerous these days. Haven’t you heard?

See you tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow.


© 2009 William L. Yanger