Big Words

By Bill Yanger

Another in a continuing series of imagined conversations over coffee at Ginny & Jane E’s. Any resemblance to persons or personalities, real or imagined, is entirely coincidental and mostly unintended.


Mornin’…

GOOD MORNING ANNA MARIA!

Whoa…Where’d that come from?

Waddya mean? It is a good morning. I feel like Tony the Tiger…Grrrrrreat!

You getting those B-12 shots again? Had your Morning Glory muffin?

Nope, just read that lady’s editorial in this week’s paper. Heh heh, what a real…uh… joy to read. She tore that new commissioner a new one.

Haven’t read it yet. What’d she say?

Called him a bunch of names, basically. And said Anna Maria is the land that time forgot or something like that. Its right here…take a look.

…hmmm…uh huh…mmm…

See what I mean…stuck it to him. Hah! Land that time forgot...crack me up! Give it..

Wait a sec, I’m not finished…

Want my glasses?

Thanks…“heresy”? Really?

What?

She used the word “heresy.” Seems to me she says that Anna Maria wanting safe streets is heresy.

What’s that mean?

You’re doing back flips over her scathing editorial but you don’t know what she means? Nice.

Give me a break. She uses a lot of big words…look… predicated… pandering…retribution…

Heresy means she thinks the new guy has controversial opinions, at least opinions different than the ones she thinks are appropriate. Look it up.

See! She nailed him on that one. She’s good!

This is news? Politicians with controversial opinions? I wouldn’t exactly call them heretics. Mavericks maybe but heretics make me think of some sort of inquisition. But maybe that's just the effect she's after.

Inqui...what?

Never mind.

Yeah, well, his opinions are controversial to those PAR guys and their lawyers.

Bingo. And therefore controversial to her and her paper, apparently.

What’s this one mean, “pandering”? Is that like when my wife rubs my feet?

That’s “pampering” genius. Pandering means to cater to someone for your own benefit.

Oh, like all those weddings at the Sandbar? Great crab cakes!
No. You know, like doing a favor, helping someone, because you owe them something. Some people call it "carrying water."

She says the new guy is a water boy?

In so many words, yeah, that's exactly what she says.

For who?

She doesn't tell us that. Never has. Doubt she will.

I thought the new guy was in construction or something. A water boy?

It’s a figure of speech, genius. She’s saying that the new guy is raising all this ruckus just to pay back political promises he made to get elected.

What promises?

She doesn’t say. Not sure she can.

Promises to who?

Once again, she doesn’t say.

Okkkkayyyyy then…What does she say?

Not much specifically, as usual. Just that the sky isn’t falling.

Did someone say it was?

Well she says all this talk about safety and parking is like Chicken Little, a lot of talk about nothing.

Huh? She said that? Has she ridden her bike down Pine lately on a Saturday afternoon?

She has a bike?

Got me. But you won’t catch me dodgin’ all those Buicks fresh in from Michigan for the winter. I’ll stick to using Spring.

Seems that even though the City Attorney said there may be problems and the Commission agreed and voted to look at the problems more closely, she’s trying to convince people that there aren’t any problems and the new guy’s only raising a ruckus because he has a thing against PAR and what they are doing on Pine.

But doesn’t PAR own Pine?
Pretty much. And your point is?

Well, if the new guy is raising a ruckus about safety and parking on Pine and PAR owns Pine, the ruckus can’t very well be about anyone else can it? At least not right now. I mean, duh. Shouldn't we fix the problems now so when there are other PAR's we don't have this ruckus all over again?

I see your point.

So, let me see if I have this straight.

Yeah…?

Her paper didn’t seem to support the new guy in the election, right?

Right.

I mean, really, her paper predicted the candidates that PAR supported would win, right? Remember, they popped a bunch of popcorn and had some straw vote? Made a big deal about the winners in her paper with pictures and all?

Yep and yep and yep.

And then those straw winners lost the real election, right?

Right. Wasn’t really even close.

And now the new guy is all gung ho to fix some things that even the city’s lawyer says may be problems and that the commission wants to look at again?

Gung ho would be an understatement, yes.

And PAR is mad as heck about those fixes? I mean they hired a lawyer and all.

Yes they did.

So she then prints some name-calling editorial about the evil new guy and his awful fixes, using big ugly words that everyone’ll read and talk about even if they're not sure what they mean. Am I right?

Clearly. Hey, we’re talking about it now.

So who’s the real water boy here?

You mean water girl?

You said it, not me.

See you tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow.


© 2009 William L. Yanger