Champagne Wishes and Site Plan Dreams

By Bill Yanger

Another in a continuing series of imagined conversations over coffee at the Rod & Reel Pier. Any resemblance to persons or personalities, real or imagined, is entirely coincidental and mostly unintended.

Good morning.

Hello Sunshine. Still hungover?
What?

Superbowl. Remember…Miami? Key Largo? Your Colts got slapped around a bit, buddy. You found solace with some guy named Jose Quervo at the hotel Tiki Bar when we got back there after the game.
Yeah, I paid the price and paid the tab, too.

That was the bet. Your bet, big shot, remember? Colts lost, so the tab was yours.
Yeah, but then you snuck those bottles of Dom Perrignon on the tab when I wasn’t looking.

Toasted the Saints with a fine glass of champagne and like 20 other Nawlin’s fans. Needed three bottles. You were busy whining some sob story to a wooden mermaid hanging on the wall next to the bar about how the Colts broke your heart like a cheating lover…funny stuff.
Wooden mermaid? Oy. She was awful quiet. And she didn’t drink much.

Don’t think you woke up till Tuesday. I know you don’t remember the drive home Monday. Surprised you’re here today.






I’m fine. But I should get a lawyer and sue you for those bottles of champagne…not cool. They’re like a hundred bucks per…

…and worth every dime.
My dimes.

Yes, a lot of your dimes, heh heh. So Perry Mason, under what theory would you sue me? Unlawful collection of a bet from a weeping friend of Jose Quervo? You knew the deal, you made the bet. You lost. You paid.

That’s your interpretation. I see it differently. The rules were that the loser pays the Tiki bar tab. You ran the tab up after the game and after you’d already won the bet. You’re just slanting the rules to suit your position.

Rules? It was a simple bet. You lost. Get over it. But I’m sure you can pay some lawyer at 1-800-WE SUE 4 U to take the case and bark at me about it.
I can and I should.

Great! Then I could go get one who I’d pay to see things my way. They could just bark at each other and kill a few trees sendin’ letters.
Kinda like the City’s lawyer and all those lawyers for the people near the Sandbar and now down in the banyan trees on Park. And of course, there’s always the lady lawyer for PAR too. Quoting law cases, attorney general opinions, whatever those are, and statutes, always the statutes…stomping their feet and threatening to sue the City…then billing a mullet net-full of cash by the hour. Great work if you can get it.

Yeah, well, seems that’s what lawyerin’ is you know. Get paid to look up a bunch of laws and facts, cherry pick the ones that help, stuff the one’s that don’t back in your briefcase, then spout off about how your client is a victim of political retribution. It’s called advocating.
Doesn’t seem real fair though, does it?

Huh?
Doesn’t seem fair. The City’s lawyer…well I guess he’s our lawyer since it’s our dollars that pay him…he can’t really be…uh…what’d you call it?

Advocating?

Yeah, he can’t really be advocating, can he? I mean, he can’t cherry pick…like you said…the laws and the facts. The City ain’t paying him to spout off, we’re payin’ him to keep us outta trouble, right? He can’t stuff the bad news back in his briefcase. And if that means he’s gotta give us news we don’t want to hear, well…that’s just the way it is. Doesn’t seem like the fun side to be representing.

It’s fun if you know you’re right.
Think he knows he’s right?

Got me. Haven’t heard him take a position on it lately. You?
Nope and there’s a P&Z and City Commission love fest this week that’ll be a waste of time unless he let’s the City know whether the sloop they’re sailing is seaworthy or it has a nasty little leak.

Think the sloop’s leakin’?

No, but then I’m no lawyer. You’d think if there was a leak he’da let us all know by now so somebody could start bailing.

So, no news is good news?
Uhn uh. No news is just no news. But the clock’s tickin’ and it seems we better hear something from him pretty soon. In a couple weeks, P&Z’s gotta give the thumbs up or down on a site plan that'll affect every other site plan from here on out, you know?

Or they could punt. Hard to know which door to take when you’re walking around in the dark. They could tell our lawyer they need some answers before they make any decisions that’ll change what this town’ll look like when my grandson is sitting here on this little pier talking to your grandson about it.

You’re right. Seems pretty clear that as much as that PAR lawyer wants to make it about them and gripe about political retribution, this decision, who will make it, and what they’ll rely on to make it, really is about something a lot bigger than one site plan. Yep, pretty important stuff.

Bet you hope your grandson will be better at picking Super Bowl winners by then than you are.

And I hope your grandson learns to pay for his own damn champagne.

Oh, get over it.

I’m over it. See you tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow.


© 2010-William L. Yanger