It's All About Priorities...

By Bill Yanger


Another in this continuing series of imagined conversations over coffee at the Rod & Reel Pier. Any resemblance to persons or personalities, real or imagined, is entirely coincidental and mostly unintended.



Good morning.

G-G-G-Good m-m-m-morning. G-g-g-god I h-h-h-hate this frikkin’ cold weather.

Suck it up, it’s warm in here. And if you’d wear long pants that’d help.

Don’t own long pants. And the walk down the pier sent that north breeze up my shorts to places better left unmentioned. Kinda fun actually…

Ahhh geeeez, I could do without the meteorological anatomy confessional. Sit. Here’s your coffee.

Thanks.

Don’t imagine you’re fishing today.

That’d be a no. Kidding me? Any yellow-mouthed lunker worth chasing is hunkered down with his she-trout under a blanket of turtle grass waitin’ out this chill. Boys ain’t thinking about eating today.

So what’ll you do with yourself?

Treadmill.

What?
The treadmill. I’m hitting the treadmill at the gym.

You mean like exercise?

Yeah, you know, that heart thing. Doctors orders. Up to 30 minutes, going for 40 today. There’s this soap opera I watch while I walk…I think today Donna is going to cheat on her husband with the local bad boy Luke who she knew in high school but before she was married to Dr. Neil…

Okay okay, enough with the soap opera hooey. Get real, the only exercise you do is those 12 ounce Heineken curls at the bar downstairs.

Gave that up too. Just red wine now…got a fine Willamette Valley Pinot Noir waiting as my reward tonight.

So now you’re a wine expert? Uh, excuse me if I’m a bit dubious. I’m pinot noir, you’re strawberry ripple.

Not sure what dubious means but I’ve seen the light my man. It’s all about priorities and my health is my number one priority now. Red wine’s good for you. Those res…oh what are they called…uh…res-vera-trolly thingies…antioxidants…anticoagulants…help with blood flow and keep the ticker purring. Get those high density lipo-proteins all happy and contented.

Lipoproteins, resvera-somethings. You are really serious about this stuff aren’t you?

As a heart attack. Hah, get it…heart attack!

Knock down hilarious. Well I hope you’re for real but I’ll believe it when I see it.

Believe it my friend. Priorities. In fact, I think I’ll order the egg white omelet with extra spinach right now…more of those antioxidant doo-hickies. Hold the grits and the bacon.

Last week you about gagged over even the thought of an egg white omelet.

New man. Cleanin’ up my act. Going to yoga and do more than sneak peeks at the ladies. Maybe play some pickle ball with the mayor, you know, eat right, get fit, live longer, be happier.

Man oh man. You of all people, drinking the health nut kool-aid.

No kool-aid for me but this? Now this is the elixir of the gods. Careful, don’t drop it.

What is it?

Only nature’s miracle potion for the last 4000 years.

Does it have name?

Sure it has a name.

Might you be so kind as to tell me that name?

Olive oil.

Olive oil?

Yeah, olive oil. From olives, you know, and pressed like within a few hours of being picked. Prefer Italian but Moroccan’s good too, and Spanish of course.

Right, Moroccan, you bet. So you gonna drizzle it on your omelet?

And waste the taste? No way! A shooter full, straight down the gullet, twice a day, then a balsamic vinegar chaser…heaven. Try it? That’s a special infused one you’re holding.

Infused…hah…you say it like you know what that means. No, I’ll stick to my coffee.

Come on dude, take a spoonful. It’ll put lead in your pencil.

What in my what?

Forget it. Just taste…here.

Mmm hmm, not bad for…uh…for oil, kind of lemony.

Yep, but not just any lemony, Meyer lemony. Best lemons in the world. I got basil flavored and blood orange too.

Wait, wait, wait. Meyer lemon, blood orange, basil…Where the heck do you get blood orange olive oil? Don't tell me you're doing that internet thing now too? Some kind of freako cyber-shopper?

Nah. Right here, Pine Avenue. The olive oil joint, across from that Historical Society place. And they ain’t just about oil. I can’t eat them very often anymore but they have all these cheeses too. Can’t pronounce most of them either but I’ll bet they’re good with that pinot noir you like or a few drops of a thick Modeno balsamic. And how can you go wrong with anything called Whiskey Cheddar, I mean, right? Dang good espresso, too. Makes your hair stand up.

Can I feel your forehead? You sick? Been smokin’ any funny stuff? I mean, dude, Whiskey cheese, Oregon wine, Moroccan olive oils, Modeno balsamics…this from a guy who eats Spaghettios and those little vienna sausages out of a can. The only appliance you use is a microwave for chrissakes.

Face it my brother. I am a new man with new priorities. I want to be around for a while. No time like now to start. You should consider it.

Wouldn’t know where to begin. I think I’ll stick with these steak and eggs and maybe a shot of a nice Mexican tequila later tonight.

Tequila…perfect! Did you know it lowers cholesterol and dissolves fat? It’s true, look it up. What time should I come by?

Stick to your tasty oil shooters and vino. The tequila’s all mine. I wonder if that oil place has a cheese that’ll go good with Señor Jose Quervo.

Just ask ‘em. I’m sure they’ll find one. And salt, gotta have salt with tequila right? They have like a dozen salts…Himalayan, Thai, Australian…

Mexican? I mean, you know, we're talking tequila.

Didn’t see Mexican but they got Smoked Serrano salt. Close enough I think. Come on, I’ll grab a few key limes off my neighbors tree and we got a hell of a healthy party.

Yeah, my kind of healthy, too. Don’t forget those limes, Mr. “I’m a New Man.”

Hey, it’s all about priorities. See you later?

Yeah, later.


© 2011 – William L. Yanger